It’s exhausting, constantly striving for more but never feeling good enough. You can stop striving. You are more than enough because your worth is in Christ alone.
I have a first date tonight (eek!). So, of course, my mind is full of questions like, What do I wear? Do I attempt to wear makeup even though I never wear it normally? Is it going to be awkward? Those awkward silences are just the worst and I am terrible at filling them! Will it be weird if I take a picture of my food (because I always take pictures of my food)? Is he going to have a weird voice? Don’t laugh – that actually happened to me once!
And this is about the time when my insecurities come knocking, trying to fill my mind with doubt and hesitation. There are so many girls out there that are so much prettier than me. What if I get food stuck in my teeth? Will he think I’m successful enough?
What if I’m not good enough?
When is “Enough” Enough?
When I was young, I felt like I could earn my worth. I felt like I had worked to achieve some higher status when I got good grades, made the tennis team, got a role in the school play, and made it into honor’s choir.
But enough was never enough.
When I got good grades, I still couldn’t feel good about myself because I wasn’t skinny enough. When I made the tennis team, I still couldn’t feel good about myself because I wasn’t popular enough.
There was always a reason not to feel strong enough, fast enough, smart enough, experienced enough, talented enough, pretty enough, rich enough, and successful enough.
Who decides what “enough” looks like anyways?
You? Your parents, friends, kids, or spouse?
When Your Best Fails
One of my biggest fears has always been not being enough for people.
When I got married, I invested all of my time, energy, and talents into being the best wife I could possibly be. I wrote love notes on the bathroom mirror, doled out encouragement like it was going out of style, learned how to make all of his favorite foods, and passionately prayed over him and our marriage constantly.
And then, one horrible morning, he said the words, “I haven’t been in love with you for years. You aren’t enough for me.” The one person on earth who knew all of my strengths and all of my flaws had decided that the very best I had to offer didn’t make the cut.
And my worst fear was realized – I wasn’t good enough.
I took his words to heart and just crumbled. Now, that is a very crumble-worthy experience, but it crushed me on a deeper level than it ever should have. Somewhere along the way, I had unintentionally given him the power to determine my worth as a person and the results were not pretty.
Who Decides Your Worth?
The answer to this question has changed for me over the years. I don’t know that I have ever consciously chosen to let someone decide my value, but it just kind of…happened. Over and over and over again.
It used to be my parents, teachers, and friends. Heck, many times I let people I didn’t even know make that decision for me! I so desperately wanted to be a cool kid growing up, but, unfortunately, unruly fluffy bangs never came into style (darn).
Grades and popularity are absolutely an accurate measure of your worth as a person, right?
Later, I handed that power over to boyfriends and my ex-husband.
For awhile, I even took it into my own hands. I would decide my value as a person on any given day by the number of checks on my to-do list, the number of Facebook friends I had, my job title, the quality of my cooking, or the amount in my checking account.
Finally, I made the very intentional decision to hand it over to the only One that matters – Jesus.
Finding Your Worth in Christ
This is something that is so much easier said than done.
We live in a culture that cares about performance. You are valuable if you look good on a resume, fit the physical traits that they have decided define beauty, or can do something exceptional that society deems important.
God, on the other hand, looks through all of the outward appearances and looks straight to your heart.
He doesn’t care what your life looks like on paper. He cares about the state of your soul, about your relationship with Him.
I’ve always known that God loves me, but actually receiving that unfailing love into the depths of my heart looks so different than just a cognitive belief.
It is choosing to believe God’s words over any other influences in your life in every single situation you face.
Pushing aside the guilt, condemnation, fear, and discouragement and, instead, hearing His voice speak hope, grace, compassion, and forgiveness into the most difficult times in your life is incredibly powerful.
Every single one of us was made in His image, fearfully and wonderfully, a masterpiece in His eyes. I don’t value myself because of anything I’ve done or accomplished. I value myself because of what He has done in me, from the day He created me in His likeness.
His promises are true, regardless of my weight, my social status, my job title, or my track record of failures.
You are still more than enough just as you are – flaws, imperfections, shortcomings, and all.
His grace is bigger than your sins.
You are not worthy when you are perfect. You are worthy because He is perfect.
That is what I’m super excited about tonight. My insecurities don’t win that battle anymore. I am really looking forward to getting to know this guy more. And no matter how things go, I will walk away with my head held high, knowing that I am a beloved daughter of the King, the most prestigious title I could ever hope for.