How To Hold Space For Both Joy And Sorrow In The Same Season
Learn how to hold space for both joy and sorrow through a biblical lens. Discover how Scripture invites us to feel the full range of emotions – trusting God in the “and.”
“How are you?”
It’s such a simple question, but lately, it feels nearly impossible to answer.
Because this week, a man younger than me from our church passed away just one month after a cancer diagnosis. That grief hit deep.
And in the same week, a huge prayer was answered for a dear friend and foster family in our small group – an absolute miracle I can’t stop praising God for.
And I went twelve nights in a row of barely sleeping an hour each night. That kind of exhaustion shakes me to my core, stirring worry, uncertainty, and fear I thought I’d already laid at God’s feet.
And I’m raising two little boys, three and five, where any given ten minutes can swing from tears to belly laughs – from overstimulation to the sweetest snuggles in the world.
So when someone asks, “How are you?”…I honestly don’t know what to say.
Because it’s all of it.
It’s joy and sorrow.
Peace and overwhelm.
Faith and frustration.
There are so many ands.
And as Christians, we don’t always know what to do with that.
The Trouble With “Good”
When people ask how we are, it feels easier, even safer, to say, “Good!”
Because we’ve learned somewhere along the way that faith means being fine.
We think expressing sorrow might sound like doubting God’s goodness. We fear that if we admit our pain, it might make others uncomfortable.
So we tuck the sorrow away and lead with the smile.
But that’s not the kind of faith Scripture calls us to.
The Bible is full of people who held space for both – who loved and trusted God and still felt deep sorrow, confusion, or lament.
Biblical Examples of the “And”
David: Worship and Weeping
David, the “man after God’s own heart”, was also a man who wrote:
“My tears have been my food day and night.” – Psalm 42:3
He sang of trust, and he wept in anguish. He rejoiced, and he lamented.
In one psalm he writes,
“Why are you cast down, O my soul?” (Psalm 42:5)
and just a few verses later,
“I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.”
That’s the and of faith – acknowledging grief without letting go of hope.
Jesus: Sorrow and Love
In John 11, when Jesus stood at Lazarus’s tomb, He knew resurrection was minutes away.
He knew this story would end in joy, and yet, He still wept (John 11:35).
Jesus didn’t rush past sorrow to get to the happy ending.
He entered into it fully – present, tender, and honest.
That’s holy space.
We often think faith means suppressing emotion, but Jesus shows us that godly sorrow and confident hope can coexist.
Paul: Pain and Praise
In 2 Corinthians 6:10, Paul describes himself as
“sorrowful, yet always rejoicing.”
Both.
He held tension without shame.
He lived with a thorn in his flesh and still declared that God’s grace was sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9).
He didn’t choose joy instead of sorrow.
He chose joy through it.
Why the “And” Matters
Psychologically, trying to suppress or ignore emotions doesn’t make them disappear. It makes them grow in the dark.
When we rush to “fix” or “reframe” pain before feeling it, we miss the opportunity for it to deepen our connection with God.
But when we hold space for both — joy and sorrow, hope and hurt — we’re practicing emotional honesty before the Lord.
That’s what the Psalms teach us: bring everything.
Your tears belong at His feet just as much as your praise.
Your doubts and confusion aren’t disqualifying…they’re invitations.
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” – Psalm 34:18
When we allow both emotions to exist, we stop forcing ourselves into shallow “everything’s fine” faith and start living in a deeper, more authentic relationship with Him.
Because intimacy requires honesty.
How to Hold Space for Both Joy and Sorrow
1. Name What’s True
Instead of choosing one emotion, tell the truth:
- “I’m grieving and grateful.”
- “I’m weary and hopeful.”
- “I’m scared and I still trust Him.”
Naming both invites wholeness. It honors reality and acknowledges God’s presence in all of it.
“Pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.” – Psalm 62:8
2. Resist the Rush to “Fix It”
When someone shares their pain, resist the urge to wrap it in a neat bow of “But at least…” or “God’s got this!”
Yes, God does have it, but that truth doesn’t erase the hurt.
Holding space means allowing grief to exist without trying to edit it. It’s what Jesus did for Mary and Martha at Lazarus’s tomb.
He didn’t correct their feelings. He entered them.
3. Bring Both to God
You don’t have to pray the perfect prayer. Actually, the prayers where I’ve felt closest to the Lord have typically been the most honest, heart-wrenching ones where I admitted the feelings I had that I didn’t even want to be having (like doubt).
You can bring Him your celebration and your confusion, your gratitude and your grief.
He can hold both.
The same God who rejoices over you with singing (Zephaniah 3:17) also bottles every tear you cry (Psalm 56:8).
You don’t have to choose which version of yourself He gets. He wants all of you — the rejoicing and the raw.
4. Remember His Faithfulness
When emotions pull in opposite directions, look back.
Rehearse His faithfulness. Remember how He’s shown up before.
That remembering roots your soul in something steady when everything feels mixed and messy.
“This I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases.” – Lamentations 3:21–22
5. Let Others In
One of the most healing things you can do is let trusted people see your and.
Not just your polished faith, but your wrestling one.
We were never meant to carry the weight of mixed emotions alone.
Paul tells us to “weep with those who weep” and “rejoice with those who rejoice” (Romans 12:15).
Sometimes that means doing both…sometimes even at the same time.
The Beauty of the “And”
We live in a culture that loves clarity. We want things to be either/or.
But God invites us into both/and.
It’s the paradox of the Gospel itself:
- death and resurrection.
- suffering and glory.
- the cross and the empty tomb.
Our God is not afraid of complexity.
He meets us right in the middle of it, holding us steady as joy and sorrow weave together into something sacred.
“Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy.” – Psalm 126:5
Tears don’t cancel joy. They water it.
A Blessing for the Both/And Heart
May you feel permission to hold all that is true — the ache and the awe, the gratitude and the grief.
May you sense God’s nearness not only in the celebration but in the confusion, the sleepless nights, and the quiet tears.
May your faith be big enough to hold both the question and the praise.
And may you rest in knowing that the same God who rejoices over you also weeps with you — and He’s not asking you to choose between the two.
Amen
