A friend of mine from church lost her mom recently.
Her mom passed away expectedly and unexpectedly at the same time. She’d been diagnosed with cancer, but her prognosis had turned from dire to great.
My friend had just told me the doctors had shared the good news with her mom and, two days later, her mom passed away.
My heart broke with hers and I just wanted to do something, anything, to bring some kind of tangible comfort, peace, and relief to her as her heart grieved.
There is no magic formula to something like this.
Supporting someone who is grieving isn’t about fixing or stopping the grief.
Even though we can’t fix it, we can love and support people in powerful ways when we recognize and join them in living through both the highs and lows in life.
“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” – Romans 12:15
BibleRef.com words this so well as they describe the meaning of this verse here – “Of all people, Christians should be masters of empathy, according to Paul.“
Our empathy and compassion toward a loved one when they are grieving is such a powerful way to reflect Jesus in this broken world.
We can’t take away their suffering, but, just as Jesus wept with Mary after Lazarus died (John 11:33-35), we can mourn with those who mourn.
We can see them in their grief and walk alongside them through the dark days.
Grief is most commonly talked about when referring to a loved one passing away, but it can be felt in so many other seasons like a difficult medical diagnosis, chronic illness, divorce, and so much more.
Grief is not limited to physical death.
Here are 4 specific and practical suggestions for ways I offer empathy, compassion, and support to family and friends who are grieving.
4 Ways To Support Someone Who Is Grieving
1 – Pray For Them
Prayer is the top thing I turn to when I don’t have solutions for navigating the difficult parts of this broken world.
I can’t prevent every hurt in this world, but I know a God of comfort and peace who will come near and wipe every tear (Revelation 21:4), so the most loving thing I can do is lift my hurting friend or family member up to Lord.
- Text a prayer.
- Write a prayer in a sympathy card.
- Say a prayer over them on a phone call or over Marco Polo.
- Pray over them in person.
- Pray for them during your own quiet time with the Lord.
It can feel like a lot of pressure to say the “right” thing to someone who is already in such a vulnerable situation, so I like to lean on Bible verses to guide my prayers.
I often use these Bible verses about loss and the death of a loved one as a starting place and will pray things like:
- Be especially near to my friend’s broken heart right now. (praying based on Psalm 34:18)
- Cover them in Your peace that passes all understanding. (praying based on Philippians 4:7)
- Bless them with Your comfort as they mourn. (praying based on Matthew 5:4)
2 – Check In On Them
There is no need to go over the top on this one but do ask them how they are doing.
Often, when people are grieving, there is this surreal experience of your whole world stopping while the rest of the world around you keeps moving.
It feels nice to be remembered. To be checked in on.
Allow them to experience grief exactly how they are, not how you expect them to respond to the loss.
This probably isn’t the best time to share all of your own experiences about how everyone else in your life has grieved their own losses.
Do your best to be sensitive to their heart with compassionate curiosity, not leaning on common cliches to just have something to say.
Be responsive to their leading. Let them talk if they want to talk. Listen well and with compassion. Support them in processing their emotions.
And respect their space if they want that, too.
3 – Bring Them Dinner
It’s much harder to take care of yourself when you are grieving.
Grief is exhausting and requires a lot of energy – physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
Everyday things like making dinner can feel exponentially more difficult to handle.
There may be practical things (like battling insurance companies, planning a funeral, selling a house, etc) that are on their plate keeping them very busy. Taking them dinner can help remove a little bit of that burden off of their shoulders while also helping them care for themselves.
I’ve heard from a long list of people who were so surprised at how helpful and what a relief it was to have a meal train in their grief.
It doesn’t have to just be dinner, either.
Bring them:
- a loaf of sourdough bread.
- a breakfast casserole.
- a batch of muffins or energy bites.
- a tray of sandwiches.
- if you live far away, have groceries delivered to their house.
All of these things can just help lighten their mental load in everyday tasks.
Here are just a few of my favorite recipes to take others in hard times:
- Instant Pot Baked Ziti
- Honey Wheat Sourdough Sandwich Bread
- Whole Wheat Zucchini Bread Recipe
- Teriyaki chicken bowls (grilled chicken, rice, roasted broccoli, teriyaki sauce)
- Instant Pot Egg Bites Recipe
- Roast pork tenderloin, potatoes, and carrots
4 – Offer Practical Help
I used to be the master of saying, “Let me know if you need anything.”
Until I was the one grieving myself.
That was when I realized, I didn’t even know what I needed during those times, even when I knew I wasn’t okay and needed support.
The heart behind that sentiment was pure, but not very helpful.
Do what you can to be specific and creative in your offers.
Our church helps members who have lost loved ones by coordinating a small lunch for the family after the funeral. I volunteered to help with the practical pieces of setting up, serving the family, and cleaning up. She said that meant so much to her family.
Does the person grieving have kids? Offer to have them over for a play date or drive them to school, sports, or appointments.
Offer to do their dishes, fold their laundry, take their dog for a walk, or mow their lawn.
Pick up their groceries or their prescriptions.
Again, it’s important to do your best to be responsive to the person.
Some people really do want the help but are hesitant because they don’t want to be a burden on others, while others genuinely don’t want someone else doing their dishes.
Of course, this list does not include every way you can support a grieving loved one, but it can give you a few specific suggestions of places to start.