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Beauty from Ashes – Hope for Christians After Divorce

If you are trying to heal from the utter heartbreak of divorce, know that God brings beauty from ashes – hope for Christian women after divorce.

Today, I am sitting on the red couch, visiting friends that are really more like family.

This is not just any red couch.

It’s the same red couch I sat on the day I left my husband, crumbling into the arms of my dear friend as my heart shattered and my entire world fell apart.

It’s the couch where I spent my first Christmas morning as a newly single woman, no longer part of my own family unit, but now an addition to another family.

This is the same red couch I have sat on hundreds of times since those broken days, slowly rebuilding my life, my purpose, and my identity after the utter destruction of divorce.

Beauty from Ashes - Hope for Christians After Divorce : So Very Blessed - Divorce is heartbreaking and messy, but it is not the end of your story. Let God speak hope, peace, and abundant joy into your broken heart, bringing beauty from your ashes.

Where’s My Happy Ending?

I read the book The War Room earlier this year. It’s a fantastic read about a spunky older woman cheering on a couple in her life whose marriage was quickly spiraling downward.

She inspires the wife to reignite her faith and start her own war room – a special place she goes to fight for her marriage with the power of prayer.

Day after day, this younger woman goes into her war room and fervently asks God to bring her husband back to her and restore their marriage. There is plenty of hurt and heartache along the way, but the book ends with a heartwarming reunion of two hearts falling back in love with each other.

Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely love happy endings (and, boy, do I believe in the power of prayer)! But, when I finished the last page, I just thought, what happens to those of us who don’t get our fairy tale endings?

What happens to all of us whose marriages ended in heart-wrenching divorce instead of reconciliation? Does it somehow mean that we are irreparably broken? That we didn’t pray hard enough, often enough, long enough, or passionately enough for our husbands? That if we had only wanted it more, God would have saved our marriages?

After years of wrestling with these questions (and so many more), I have come to the conclusion that just because my marriage didn’t end in reconciliation does not mean I didn’t get my happy ending. 

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” – Romans 8:28

Hope in Him

Divorce is not a good thing. It’s horrible and agonizing to rip apart two people, two hearts, that had been joined together with the purpose of being one for the rest of their lives.

Dreams and trust are broken and there is a grieving process very much like mourning the death of a loved one. It’s not what God intended for marriages to look like.

But we are human, and humans sin. We make mistakes. Sin severs that beautiful union between two people with swords of lies, betrayal, control, and manipulation.

And, as a result, marriages burn into a pile of ashes. Sometimes we added fuel to the fire. Sometimes we were entirely powerless to do a thing as we helplessly watched our relationships burn to the ground.

But that is not the end of our story. So, our marriages weren’t reconciled. We don’t get to ride off into the sunset in romantic bliss and our futures are suddenly uncertain because that foundational relationship in our lives vanished into thin air.

That day that I left my husband, I handed God the pen to keep writing my story. It was a choice to let go, a choice to trust. My hopes and dreams for a family, for my future, were no longer resting on an earthly relationship, but in God alone.

“For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have?  But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.” – Romans 8:24-25

Our hope is in Him – a God who rescues, saves, and redeems. Our God is not a God who works inside of our teeny tiny box of understanding. He is a God of miracles who blows our logic and reason out of the water.

When all we can see is broken dreams, shattered hearts, and a hopeless future, He shines His light of hope. I’m not talking about hope in a saved marriage, hope in a steady future, or hope in anything that we can see.

I’m talking about hope in the unseen – hope in Him. Knowing, without a doubt, that He is still working for your good in the midst of sin, and in the middle of the darkest, bleakest seasons of your life.

Beauty From Ashes

Even when you can’t see how good will ever come of this, even when things are entirely unfair, even when you feel broken beyond repair – when you bring Him ashes, He gives you a crown of beauty. When you bring Him your mourning, He gives you abounding joy. When you offer Him the pieces of your shattered heart, He gives you a garment of praise.

“…to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.”

-Isaiah 61:3 

What God offers is not just a temporary little spark of encouragement, it’s complete transformation! The same God that conquered the grave can turn your hopeless into hopeful.

He can turn your mourning into dancing.

He lifts the weight of your shame.

He works great power in your greatest weakness.

Immeasurably More

In the first few days and weeks of my divorce, it was a victory just to merely survive one day at a time. Worry flooded my mind with “what ifs” and I didn’t know how I was going to get through it.

All of a sudden, I was a divorced Christian, wearing that bright scarlet letter around my neck.

It felt like I was starting over in life, covered in shame. It was too much to process, so much so that most of my prayers in those days consisted of only three words, Jesus, please help. 

And, He did. Every single time I asked.

I survived those minutes and days that felt like it took all of my energy just to keep breathing, only by His strength.

I healed from the trauma of an unhealthy marriage, only by His grace.

He drowned out the roaring lies that had been spoken to me about my worth and my identity by gently whispering His truths into my broken life.

“…I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security.” – Jeremiah 33:6

I am not saying my life now is perfect. There is still a piece of me that desperately longs to be a wife and a mother.

And maybe someday that will happen for me! But I am saying that I’m not waiting to live until that happens.

I don’t need a successful marriage to know that God is good.

I don’t need to be a wife to know that He has given my life purpose and meaning. I don’t need to have a man in my life to give me hope for my future.

God is the author of my story and He is not done writing yet. But, even if today was the last page of my book, it would be a happy ending.

Today, as I sit on the same red couch that saw me through the most tragic days of my divorce, I can loudly proclaim that He has blessed me immeasurably more than I can even comprehend.

It took time, an amazing support system, and a whole lot of grieving and prayer, but I am now madly in love with my life, even as a divorced Christian woman.

I have filled journal after journal with His abundant blessings. My shattered heart has been mended and my mourning has turned to dancing.

I sit here on this red couch and I am whole, only because of Him. I am overwhelmed by His goodness, His faithfulness, and His hope. I am not only surviving, but I am thriving because my life source is His grace alone.

That is my fairy tale ending…and it just keeps getting better every day.

More Posts Related to My Divorce Experience As A Christian Woman

Emotional Abuse In A Christian Marriage

Please Find Me Beautiful – Not Your Typical Love Story

Stripped – Surviving The First Days After Divorce

How Do You Like Your Eggs? Finding Yourself Again After Divorce

Beauty from Ashes - Hope for Christians After Divorce : So Very Blessed - Divorce is heartbreaking and messy, but it is not the end of your story. Let God speak hope, peace, and abundant joy into your broken heart, bringing beauty from your ashes.
Beauty from Ashes - Hope for Christians After Divorce : So Very Blessed - Divorce is heartbreaking and messy, but it is not the end of your story. Let God speak hope, peace, and abundant joy into your broken heart, bringing beauty from your ashes.
Beauty from Ashes - Hope for Christians After Divorce : So Very Blessed - Divorce is heartbreaking and messy, but it is not the end of your story. Let God speak hope, peace, and abundant joy into your broken heart, bringing beauty from your ashes.
Beauty from Ashes - Hope for Christians After Divorce : So Very Blessed - Divorce is heartbreaking and messy, but it is not the end of your story. Let God speak hope, peace, and abundant joy into your broken heart, bringing beauty from your ashes.

Floyd Williams III.

Monday 22nd of June 2020

Becky, MY story is a little different. I am a christian man and I thought My wife was but one day she told me she was never in love with me and never loved me and that she wanted a divorce. I held on for a solid month with her being gone every night. Then I left because she told me she wanted me gone. Four days after I left I came back and I found another man in our home with her. She claimed he was just there to fix something in our home. She has filed for divorce and according to the law here if I don't sign within thirty days she gets the divorce by default. I don't believe in divorce so I haven't signed. We have six days left as husband and wife. Then it's final. I'm just absolutely lost. I've tried to cling to God's word but I feel more and more like giving up each day.


Thursday 25th of June 2020

Floyd, I am so incredibly sorry you are going through this right now. I just stopped to pray for you because it's all I know to do. It's so unfair and so heartbreaking. I love your heart, fighting for your marriage, and am so sorry your wife is not fighting for you as hard as you are for her. You are proving yourself to be a strong, faithful man, clinging to God in the midst of such a painful situation. Keep hanging on. As much as it feels like your world is falling apart, this is not the end of your story, and I have no doubt that God will find a way to bring beauty from your ashes, as well.

jenn g

Friday 28th of February 2020

Your testimony echoes mine. God is so good. Still have trouble not grabbing that pen back from Him, but He's faithful with that too!!


Saturday 29th of February 2020

Gosh, that is a constant struggle to keep grabbing the pen back, isn't it?! You are so right - He is unfailingly faithful and oh so good!


Sunday 24th of November 2019

Hi Becky, thank you for sharing your story. It gives me hope that one day I will be testifying that GOD turned my sadness into joy also. I am leaning on GOD completely and putting all my hope and trust in his word that he is with me and for me and will bring me out of this victoriously. Becky I have surrendered it all to GOD and am letting go. My heart still aches and I’m telling GOD I need his healing power and strength and grace to get me through. I was only married for 3 years but I’m still hurt by my husbands cruel heartless behavior. It feels like he never loved me and that hurts even more. Please keep me in your prayers. I’m trusting that I will be healed and restored and have joy again. May GOD bless you.


Thursday 21st of June 2018

I admire how positive you are. I'm heading towards a divorce of my wife of 18 years, the only girlfriend I've ever had. I dread having to tell my child, and fear how much his life will be ruined. My wife wants us to sort of keep living together to raise our child while she dates other men. I'm not sure how long that arrangement can realistically last, but the alternative would be worse for everyone emotionally and financially, so I just have to bear it. I will never seek another relationship. It is hard to keep going.


Wednesday 27th of June 2018

I am just so, so sorry. I can't imagine trying to continue living in a situation like that. I'm sure she has the best interests of your child in mind (and, of course, the financial logistics), but it's heartbreaking to think about you having to live like that. I just said a prayer for you because it's all I know to do. I know that even in the midst of all of the messiness and pain here, God is still faithful. Don't give up hope. Keep seeking Him. He is still working for your good - somehow and in some way. I prayed especially for a support system to come around you right now, whether it's friends, family, or people in your church.


Wednesday 16th of May 2018

I am divorcing my husband of 10 years do to domestic violence in the home. He has emotionally, mentally, and verbally traumatized me for years. It's been really hard. I admire your story...


Thursday 17th of May 2018

Annette, I am so terribly sorry you have had to endure that kind of abuse. Even in situations where the marriage is excruciating, divorce is still incredibly painful. I hope you have a good support system to lean on right now and I pray that God helps you rebuild your identity based on His truths, not your husband's lies. It is such a difficult thing to do, but our God is so much bigger than the sins of our ex-husbands and you are so precious to Him.