How Do You Like Your Eggs? Finding Yourself Again After Divorce

As a Christian woman, I felt stripped of my identity after my divorce, not even knowing how I liked my eggs cooked. Here’s how I found myself again.

Have you seen Runaway Bride?

Maggie is a woman who has been in quite a few relationships and in each and every one, she eats her eggs however her significant other eats his.

Finally, she sits down and tries all sorts of varieties of eggs to find out how she truly likes her eggs (she lands on Eggs Benedict, by the way).

Losing Your Identity After Divorce

I can very strongly relate to Maggie in that sense.

I’m a pretty laid back, go-with-the-flow kind of person and I really like peace and harmony in my relationships.

If you feel strongly about something, I’m probably going to let you have your way. Not because I’m a doormat, but because it’s probably not a hill worth dying on for me, as it might be for you.

I think that’s actually a strength of mine, peacekeeping. But, as with all strengths, it has a corresponding weakness.

If you give up enough of those things, then what pieces of yourself are you going to have left?

That’s what I was trying to figure out early last year. At the beginning of last year, after my divorce, I wrote this post about how my identity was stripped to the point where I couldn’t even figure out what kind of bread to buy.

Thankfully, through relationships (friends, family, & dating), reflection, and a heck of a lot of prayer, I’m feeling more solid in my identity now than I ever have before.

Lean On Your Faith

I love God with every fiber of my being.

I love singing on my church’s worship team and when I get really worshipful, I sign, because somehow it feels like I can connect my heart to Him better through sign language.

I love curling up on my oversized chair, which has been deemed my “quiet time” chair, with my Bible.

I keep my Bible in a cover that is really more like a Trapper Keeper to hold a notebook in each of the two pockets (one for journaling and one for sermon notes), a pen and highlighter, and usually at least 5 pages are bookmarked with old bulletins.

When your world was is turned upside-down, you can still make the choice to lean into God and trust that He is still there, carrying you every step of the way when you don’t have the strength to walk yourself.

Look for Bible verses that talk about your identity in Christ and choose to believe they are true.

Lean On Your Support System

I love people. I’m not an extrovert, I’m not the life of the party, and I don’t especially like being the center of attention, but I love having people around.

My good friend Laurie entertains at her house all the time and my favorite place to be is sitting at the end of her kitchen table. People will sit and chat for a while, but then they’ll get up to do something and new people will come and take their place, which means I eventually get to chat with just about everybody there.

I love that in that position at their house, I can jump in with questions when I want to, but I can listen for 90% of the time. I love listening to people. Learning about people.

Hearing about their struggles and triumphs and motivation and fears. And I try to pick up on little things throughout conversations – their favorite food, something they’ve been wanting for awhile, things that make them happy – so that I can put that knowledge to good use later on. I have a small circle of people who know just about everything about me and that’s just the way I like it.

I’m always up for making new friends, but I’m much more interested in quality than quantity.

After my divorce, I was so afraid of being lonely in my singleness, but I haven’t had to worry about that.

I have coffee dates, phone dates, shopping dates, Happy Hour dates, dog walks, pizza nights, and one friend even texts me good morning and goodnight every single day. I am far from lonely.

Reach out to the people in your life – family, friends, co-workers, neighbors. Whoever those important people are to you, take the initiative and make plans with them.

Try Something New

I like to try new things…and conquer them.

Running was a huge part of my healing process after my divorce.

My favorite part about running is that I’ve spent the majority of my life believing that I couldn’t do it and now I’m training for 10-mile races and half marathons.

Every time I beat a previous record of mine, I want to break out into a happy dance, because it’s me proving to myself that what I’d deemed to be impossible is indeed possible.

I played piano as a kid and have just recently been trying to pick it back up again. So far, it’s only amounted in me playing “Say Something” about 11.4 bazillion times, but I couldn’t play it at all a few months ago!

I used to be so scared of new things, but now they get me excited.

Zumba? Sign me up.

Floating lantern festival outside of Las Vegas? Let’s do it.

A few weeks ago at worship practice, our keyboardist was joking around saying, “Maybe we just need to teach Becky to play the bass.” My response was immediately, “Okay!” The sky’s the limit.

What are those things in life you’ve always wanted to do, but haven’t made the time to act on it? Now is the time.

You’ve just gone through one of the hardest things you can experience in life. You’ve proved you’re a survivor. Now, take the action to live the life you want to live.

• Sign up for those dancing lessons.
• Learn how to cook beef wellington.
• Go hike that 14er.

Choose Gratitude

I am deeply joyful almost all the time.

I usually have a smile on my face and it is entirely genuine.

I love life – laughter, hugs, smiles, sunsets, puppies, bright pink, new running shoes, Gerbera daisies, acapella hymns, the smell of rain and freshly baked cookies, Skyping with family, and phone dates with faraway friends.

I have over 1,600 photos on my phone that I don’t want to delete, because I just don’t want to forget a single moment.

I believe the best in people, not because I expect perfection, but because I’d like people to believe the best in me. I do indeed have a happy dance. I use it often, but very few people have ever seen it.

Divorce stinks. It probably threw you into a world of an unknown future. You might be struggling financially, emotionally, and in all kinds of other ways. Don’t let yourself sink into despair and stay there.

Grieve your loss, but look for the joy. Find things to be grateful for every day. Count your blessings, even when life is far from perfect.

So, How Do You Like Your Eggs?

How do I like my eggs? That changes with my mood.

When I’m feeling fancy, I make scrambled eggs with onions, spinach, and goat cheese.

When I’m feeling nostalgic, I make a Charlie’s Special.

When I’m feeling healthy, I fry it over medium and serve it on nutty bread with smashed avocado.

When I’m eating breakfast for dinner at Laurie’s, I have a bacon and cheese omelet.

When I eat breakfast out, sometimes I get them poached on top of duck confit or baked in a mini skillet aside some killer breakfast potatoes.

But all of this? Quirks and all, this is me.

What about you?

More Posts Related to My Divorce Experience As A Christian Woman

Emotional Abuse In A Christian Marriage

Please Find Me Beautiful – Not Your Typical Love Story

Stripped – Surviving The First Days After Divorce

Beauty From Ashes – Hope For Christian Women After Divorce