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I love Valentine’s Day. I’m a romantic at heart and I think it is an adorable way to celebrate love with chocolate, flowers, thoughtfulness, and heart-shaped everything.

But I also know the struggle of a holiday celebrating couples when you are…well, uncoupled. Holidays are especially difficult when you are single and don’t necessarily want to be.

It would be very easy to sink into feeling left out, lonely, and unlovable on February 14th, but don’t accept the invitation to the Valentine’s Day singles’ pity party!

Plan Ahead

Take the initiative and plan something you will look forward to! Connect with other singles. Have some friends over, go to that movie you’ve been wanting to see, order takeout and take a bubble bath, read that book you’ve been wanting to dive into, make a special dessert, or buy that candy you love so much.

One of my single friends and I have planned a Valentine’s Day date for the past few years and we always have a great time! One year, we saw a movie we’d both been looking forward to seeing. Another year we went out to a restaurant we’d both wanted to try. Once, we watched Gone With the Wind because neither of us had ever seen it (granted, we only made it halfway through because that movie is loooong!).

Thinking ahead and coming up with a plan can help you avoid sitting at home alone, pining for a significant other.

Love Isn’t Love ‘Til You Give It Away

Giving feels good. Valentines for your friends don’t have to end after grade school! Plan a cute treat to hand out to your friends. Bring in a special baked good for your coworkers. Send out sweet cards to the important people in your life telling them how much they mean to you. One year when I was working in an elementary school as a sign language interpreter, I bought all of the students little “I love you” sign language suckers.

Doing nice things for other people tends to boost your gratitude, which can wipe those Singles Blues away.

Shift Your Focus

I know how difficult it is to long for a hand to hold, a person to come home to at night, and somebody to share your life with. When you’re single and don’t necessarily want to be, all of the focus on romance sure makes it easy to dwell on all of the things you don’t have right now.

But, let’s face it, there are a heck of a lot of perks that come with singleness. You get full control of the remote (bring on the cheesy Hallmark movies!), you decide how to spend your time and money, and nobody cares if you eat a popcorn and a Nutty Bar for dinner (not that I would ever do such a thing…).

Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, be intentional about being grateful for what you do have. Write thank you notes to people you love, make a point to be on the lookout for kindness when you are out running errands, and spend some time writing in a gratitude journal. Sometimes it’s hard to get started, but once you have a few things written down, that list just keeps on growing and growing and soon you’ll be throwing gratitude around like confetti!

Realize that soul mates aren’t always romantic.

It sounds so amazing to think that the “right” person will rush into your life, sweep you off your feet, and make you feel whole…but it just doesn’t often work like that.

First off, I don’t believe there is only one person on this earth that is a “soul mate.” 

Second of all, I believe soul mates can be found in friends and family, just as often as it can be found in your spouse.

My friend Laurie is my soul mate. She brings so much joy to my life, but she also meets me on a deeper level that many of the people in my life never reach. She understands me to the point that I don’t even need to tell her how I’m feeling about things most of the time because she already knows.

She knows my character, my motivation, my heart. She draws me out, challenges me, and encourages me to grow.

She makes me feel known and loved, just as I am.

Look for the soul mates you already have in your life right now and pour yourself into those relationships.